


Forever Is Not Enough

by MYuzuki



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angsty Schmoop, First Kiss, Hospitals, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Requited Love, Schmoop, also the summary for this is the worst i've ever done XD, and i'm too tired to finish proofreading, for a given value of "idiots" since they're both brilliant but you know what I mean, many thanks to the reviewer who called this schmoopy!, that's precisely the tag i forgot to add the first time lol, this just sort of happened XD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 09:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12932772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MYuzuki/pseuds/MYuzuki
Summary: Kagami wakes up in the hospital after a mission goes sideways and finds none other than Tobirama at his bedside.





	Forever Is Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> So....this happened. XD It's not my absolute greatest piece of writing, but I did have fun and I do adore the pairing (thanks to the ever-wonderful blackkat, whose own writing about the pairing got me super invested in them. <3)
> 
> Also, on a more general note: this ended up longer than I anticipated because what was originally envisioned as a short little fluffy piece grew into a 4k+ ficlet with, like, introspection and low-key angst, which was not the plan, but oh well. That's the writing life. XD
> 
> Anyway~ I hope you all enjoy this completely random ficlet; the general prompt I based the ficlet on is the Tumblr post from zombIequeen saying "Favorite trope 348234: when person who nearly died wakes up in hospital bed, looks around, sees the object of their affection asleep in a chair next to them because they haven’t moved in days" (I've spent the last twenty minutes trying to link it here, but my internet is giving me serious attitude about it, so I'll try again later. ^_^;) The story title itself is from the lyrics of Raign's song "Don't Let Me Go".

**Forever Is Not Enough**

* * *

 

When Kagami opens his eyes and finds himself in the Konoha hospital, his first feeling is one of overwhelming confusion.

The last thing he remembers is being outnumbered ten to one by enemy shinobi at the end of his reconnaissance mission. How they'd even known he was in the area was still something he couldn't fathom, unless they'd somehow planted a spy in the village or done something else to obtain the most recent batch of classified mission assignments.

What he understands even less than that, though, is how he's back in the village now, when he can very distinctly recall taking some pretty serious hits during the fight. Even if he did manage to take down all of his opponents (not technically an impossible feat, he supposes, even if he can't quite seem to recall the specifics through the hazy fog in his aching head), he'd still been badly wounded on the edge of enemy territory, leagues away from any sort of friendly assistance.

He shouldn't be alive right now. He should be dead in the middle of the forest, and he's thoroughly baffled as to how he's  _not_.

His mind is wearily stumbling through all the possible explanations as he struggles to sit up, a feat that takes far more effort than he would like. There's a searing and stabbing sensation on his right side that heralds at least a couple broken ribs, and the pain of it would almost make him give up and slump back down onto the bed if not for his inherent stubbornness.

But then he spots a familiar head of white hair attached to an equally familiar man and freezes in place, startled at the sight of  _Senju Tobirama_  slumped across the end of Kagami's hospital bed, as if he'd been sitting vigil there and had fallen asleep.

That's more confusing than everything else put together, though, because even if he and Tobirama are friends (a miracle in and of itself, given the younger Senju's bad history with the Uchiha clan), the Hokage's brother is a busy man; Kagami's seen for himself the never-ending mountains of paperwork on his friend's desk (to the point that he can't actually remember the last time he saw the desk itself), and that's not even factoring in the fact that Tobirama himself still runs missions, whether it's by himself or with his former students.

Senju Tobirama is very possibly the busiest person Kagami knows, so what the hell is he doing wasting his valuable time at Kagami's bedside?

Not that Kagami is unhappy to see him, of course; if anything, he's probably  _too_  happy to see Tobirama, even if the other man is unconscious at his bedside. He's become increasingly fond of Tobirama (in an increasingly more-than-just-friendship sort of way) these last few years, and after almost being killed on a recon mission that should have been simple...well, there's no one else whose face he'd rather see right now.

Even if the person whose face it is happens to be asleep, and isn't that weird? Kagami's seen Tobirama look tired and annoyed and amused and a variety of other things, but he's never before seen his friend  _asleep_.

(Tobirama looks a bit tired even in his sleep, but also peaceful and almost... _soft_ , in a way that Kagami isn't accustomed to seeing.)

Kagami feels a bit like he's fallen into an alternate reality of some sort, to be honest. Normally he has to poke and prod and all but force Tobirama from his office to  _go home and rest, dammit_ , and yet here the Senju is, passed out less than an arm's length away, presumably there by his own volition, because not even Hashirama can make Tobirama go somewhere or do something if he's genuinely opposed to it.

And Kagami isn't quite sure what to make of that. Tobirama is his friend, certainly, and he knows that Tobirama cares, that the other man isn't as cold and emotionless as others in the village make him out to be; he's seen Tobirama show warmth and compassion, seen him roll his eyes and huff in irritation and display more humanity than most people would expect from him given his reputation.

But for Tobirama to be not just at his bedside, but to either a) be there when he has many, many other and much more important things to do or b) have been there long enough to warrant dozing off (which also begs the question of just how long has Kagami been in the hospital for, but that's not a question he wants to examine too closely because the answer will likely make him want to bolt for the closest window and escape)...well, Kagami doesn't know what he's supposed to think about that.

Kagami himself would sit by Tobirama's bedside until the end of time if the brilliant idiot ever managed to get injured enough to require serious bed rest, but he'd never expected that regard to actually be returned in any seriously significant way, not when the object of his affections is one of the most formidable shinobi of their time with more responsibilities, duties, and obligations than there are stars in the sky.

Kagami is just another shinobi when you come right down to it, and an Uchiha at that. And he's not even a member of the Uchiha nobility, isn't even tangentially related to the main branch of the family. He's skilled, sure, but not  _special_  in the way of Madara, or even Izuna. His most formidable quality is probably his tenacity more than anything, that sheer stubbornness to give up or let something go, although he likes to think his loyalty to who and what he cares for is also a decent virtue.

But even with his better qualities, he's only peripherally important to his own clansmen, for fuck's sake, and even that's more their obligatory pride in him as a skilled warrior with a functioning Sharingan than anything. So why has the Hokage's younger brother been sitting at his bedside, waiting for him to wake up?

He's spared the mental gymnastics of puzzling it out for himself when Tobirama starts to stir, raising his head and lifting one hand to rub at his eyes in a gesture of grogginess very few ever got to see.

Kagami can't help but smile to himself a little bit looking at him, because Tobirama's bedhead hair is somehow even more ridiculous than his hair when awake, which is an endearingly combination of adorable, attractive, and hilarious and no one will ever convince him otherwise. He doesn't say that out loud, though, because he's not quite  _that_ suicidal, thanks.

Instead he gives the widest and brightest grin that he can manage, the one he usually reserves for charming his way out of lectures from the Uchiha Elders. "Good morning!" he says cheerfully, and then has to force himself not to wince as the exuberant greeting aggravates his ribs.

Tobirama blinks at him, something akin to relief flashing through his eyes, then gives Kagami the flattest stare he's ever gotten in his life. "Good morning?" he echoes, tone dry as he arches a single pale eyebrow. "You almost bled out and died on our border with the Land of Rivers before a scouting patrol found you and have spent the last four days unconscious, and  _good morning_  is all you have to say for yourself?"

Kagami's instinctive reaction is to roll his eyes, but manages to refrain. Barely. "It's perfectly fine greeting for any and all occasions," he says, tone deliberately unconcerned. "Besides, I clearly  _didn't_  die, so everything's fine now. Mostly," he amends, because his ribs are definitely starting to make it known that talking and breathing deep are not activities his broken bones currently appreciate him doing.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at him, looking torn between amused fondness and exasperation. "You need a keeper," he says. "Someone to keep you out of trouble."

Kagami makes a face and gives a sound of mock offense. "That is rude and unfair, Tobirama! It's not like I go  _looking_  for trouble, it just seems to find me at unexpected times."

"My point exactly," his friend remarks wryly.

This time Kagami does roll his eyes. "Whatever," he says. "I'm twenty, not two; I don't need a babysitter. I doubt there's anyone around who would want to spend that much time around me anyway," he tacks on with a sharp grin. "I can be fairly obnoxious and annoying if the occasion calls for it."

The look Tobirama gives him is an intriguing combination of innocent and sly. "You? Really? I  _never_  would have guessed that."

Kagami, being the mature adult he is, sticks his tongue out and makes a grabbing motion that his friend easily dodges. "You're the worst," he complains, not meaning it in the slightest because as far as he's concerned Tobirama is the best person on the planet, end of discussion. "The absolute worst."

Tobirama smiles, a small quicksilver expression that's gone as quickly as it came, but it warns Kagami's chest all the same despite its brevity. "You're not the first person to say so," he notes with a self-deprecating smirk, before his expression slides back into something more serious. "I mean it, though, Kagami. You should consider taking someone with you on some of your missions; you really did almost die this time, and I..."

Kagami blinks and stares at his friend in confusion because being at a loss for words isn't something that happens to Tobirama, not with his brilliant mind and quick tongue. "...Tobirama?"

"...I don't know what I would do if that happened," Tobirama finishes, his expression tight and unhappy in a way that makes something in Kagami's chest twist painfully for reasons completely unrelated to his injured ribs. "I can't lose you, Kagami."

 _Why?_  He wants to ask.  _Why does it matter so much to you? Not even my own Clan would care overmuch if I met a bloody end, so why do you?_

 _What am I to you? h_ e wants to ask, but he doesn't. Because he's...afraid.

He's scared (hell, he's half- _terrified_ ) to hear what the answer might be, he thinks, because what if it's not the answer that he hopes it is? The answer that he wants so very badly?

What if it's an answer that will break his heart instead of piecing it back together? He's a strong person, emotionally and physically, but he's not sure he could survive something like that, not when he (like all Uchiha) loves with all his heart and soul even if that love isn't returned.

So he swallows down all the things he wants to ask and instead offers Tobirama a tired but genuine smile and hopes that the feelings he's been trying so hard to hide all this time aren't showing through.

"You're not going to lose me," Kagami says, reaching out to squeeze Tobirama's hand. "I'm right here."

Tobirama, to Kagami's surprise, flips his own hand around and twines their fingers together, his red eyes not meeting's Kagami's dark ones, his gaze instead drifting down to their clasped hands with an inscrutable expression flitting across his face too quickly for Kagami to scrutinize it.

Kagami is starting to feel like he's a step behind here, and while that's not an entirely unusual feeling when it comes to Tobirama (how could it be when the other man is so unbelievably clever that he's literally in his own league), not being certain of why Tobirama's behaving so unlike his usual self is...unsettling, to say the least.

"Is something wrong?" he asks at last, after the silence has stretched on longer than he's comfortable with, the air tense around them in a way he can't identify.

Tobirama gives a snort and shakes his head slightly. "Other than the fact that you almost died?" he asks, and his voice is dryly amused but he still won't look at Kagami.

Kagami huffs out a short sigh. "Yes," he says, rolling his eyes again. "Other than that, because that's not important." He means it, too; his own death is an inevitability that hasn't disturbed him very much in years. He loves life, of course, loves being alive, but for all his optimism he's also a realist and there's no denying that the shinobi life isn't conducive to growing to a ripe old age and retiring; other than the non-combatant Elders, he honestly doesn't know anyone over the age of forty, or maybe forty-five at the most. "Something is bothering you," he says to Tobirama now, because whatever is bothering the other man is infinitely more important that the obvious end to Kagami's story. "Tell me what it is, or I'll pester you until you weep for mercy. I mean it, too. You'll never be rid of me; I'll hang onto your shoulder and grumble in your ear all the time, night and day."

That finally gets Tobirama to look back up at him, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiles (and Kagami can't help but think of how utterly unfair it is, that something as simple as Tobirama smiling can make his heart lock up in his chest). "A terrifying threat indeed," he replies, then glances back down at their clasped hands. "But, Kagami...what makes you think that your potential death isn't important?" When Kagami just stares at him in open confusion, Tobirama continues. "It hasn't occurred to you yet? That you almost dying is  _precisely_ what's bothering me?"

"I..." Kagami shakes his head. "Well, no, I get that it's not a pleasant concept to think about, Tobirama, especially for you." He knows how hard Tobirama takes the deaths of Konoha shinobi, and he's even worse about losing people he actually cares about; Kagami is a hundred percent certain that the other man still hasn't gotten over the deaths of his two younger brothers, and it's been  _decades_. "But even so, it isn't...it isn't worth getting upset about. I'm a shinobi, and we both know what that means." Even though Kagami is a few years younger, they've both been fighting and surviving for their entire lives, to the point that they're more familiar with warfare than they are with peace, no matter how much they prefer the latter. "Look," he goes on, "we both know how death typically works in our world, and my death will be no different in the end. Bloody and painful, but ultimately not important. My death..." He takes a deep breath, tryingot ignore the sharp pain in his chest, and then forges on, ignoring the increasingly severe look on Tobirama's face. "It's not something you'll carry with you, Tobirama. It'll hurt for a while, but eventually it'll be fine.  _You'll_  be fine."

Tobirama gives him a look like he's the most unbelievable idiot imaginable. "I think that you're vastly underestimating how much I care for you, Kagami."

Kagami's heart leaps in his chest at the words, but he forces himself not to read too much into it. "Now you're just being ridiculous," he says. "And also can I just take a moment to point out that normally you're the one saying that to me and this is an entertaining change of pace."

Tobirama gives a small huff, although Kagami can't tell whether it in amusement or exasperation. "You're not wrong," he notes with a slight smirk, "but if you think that a change of topic so obvious is going to deter me then clearly you're suffering from some sort of brain damage."

Kagami wrinkles his nose. "Rude," he complains, but doesn't argue the point; it was a weak attempt to divert the conversation and he's all too aware of that fact.

But he's tired and hurting and there's an ache in his chest that has nothing to do with his physical injuries, and can he really be blamed for wanting to avoid a conversation that's almost definitely going to end with a better-as-friends talk?

Not that he minds being just friends with Tobirama; as much as he'd love to actually be with Tobirama, he's more than willing to settle with what he already has. Better to have Tobirama as a best friend, after all, than to not have him at all.

So he swallows hard, flickers a look at Tobirama before glancing away, out the closest window, instead. "I don't...feel like talking right now," he says hoarsely, and deliberately ignores how small his voice sounds.

Both of Tobirama's eyebrows go up now, in obvious surprise. "How unlike you," he observes, tone vagueyl teasing because he knows that Kagami is just as capable of introspective silences as Tobirama himself is, but then his smirk morphs into a fown. "What's wrong?" he asks.

Kagami can't help the small snort that escapes him. "Other than nearly getting killed on a mission that hould have been simple enough to do in my sleep? No, nothing's wrong at all. What could possibly be wrong?" Before Tobirama has a chance to reply, a new thought crosses his mind and he can't help but groan. "You said that I spent the last four days unconcious?" At Tobirama's nod, he groans again. "Dammit it all to hell and back, I missed my monthly report and assessment with my Clan Elders. Fuck my life, they're going to be pissy for weeks. Months, even."

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "Why are you Uchiha always so overdramatic?" he remarks, looking torn between amusement and sympathy. "I'm sure they won't mind rescheduling. If anything, they should be grateful that you're alive."

Kagami scoffs a bit, shaking his head. "Doubtful," he replies. "Despite my skill as a shinobi, they're not all that fond of me. Something about putting the village ahead of the Clan," he adds, one corner of his mouth curling up into a bitter smirk before he can stop it.

Tobirama's frown intensifies. "I thought that they were moving past all of that."

Kagami shrugs. "They're old," he says, tone careless. "And stuck in their ways. They are trying to do better," he acknowledges reluctantly, "but I doubt they'll ever be able to break that mindset of preserving the Clan above all else."

"Well, if preserving the Uchiha Clan is their top priority, then your survival should be all the more important to them," Tobirama says, and Kagami kind of wants to throttle him because  _why_  can't he just let this particular subject drop.

"I'm not important to them, period," he says at last, the words coming out surprisingly steady considering the bitterness swirling in his gut. "I'm just some nobody from the lower branches of the Clan; the only reason they care at all is because I'm an asset with my Sharingan. Beyond that, they don't care. It's not something to get worked up over," he adds, noticing the increasingly dark expression on Tobirama's face. "That's just the way it is. That's the way it's  _always_  been. As a people, we care very deeply about those close to us, but usually  _only_  those close to us. Beyond that, there's a sort of general loyalty to the Clan and the bloodline, but that's it. That loyalty runs deeper in some than others, but our Elders are different. They in particular have a duty to look after the Clan as a whole. They don't see individual people, they just see tools to be used for preserving the Clan as a whole. I'm just another tool to them," he concludes, shrugging again. "Not important beyond my immediate usefulness."

Tobirama has a look on his face that Kagami is only passingly familiar with. It's a mixture of his  _the-words-you-just-spoke-do-not-compute_ face and his  _someone-is-going-to-die-painfully-in-the-next-five-minutes_  face. Kagami's not quite sure how to interpret it, and he'd previously thought himself pretty well-versed in his friend's microexpressions.

"You think you're not important," Tobirama says now, and his voice is quiet but pained, and Kagami swears that he can feel the air temperature in the room drop by at least ten degrees.

"Well, duh," is what pops out of his mouth before he has a chance to consider actually putting his brain-mouth filter to use. "I know I'm not important, Tobirama. This isn't exactly a new development." He's known it since his parents' deaths during his childhood years, when the Clan hadn't bothered to do much more than provide him with the bare necessities...right up until he activated his Sharingan, at which point they'd suddenly started caring again.

It's not typically something he bothers getting upset about anymore; it's not like getting worked up about it will change it, so he'd made an executive decision during his teen years to just not give a fuck ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, and it's a decision that's served him well over the years. It's gotten to the point now where he's more or less adopted a sort of weary acceptance about the whole situation.

But then all of a sudden Tobirama is much closer than he'd been just a few seconds before, and Kagami's heat is jackrabbiting in his chest from the proximity.

"Kagami," Tobirama says, his expression somehow fierce and tender all at once, " _no_."

Kagami just blinks at him, torn between flustered (because what is with  _that look_ ) and confused. "What? What do you mean, no? I don't-"

Tobirama leans forward, the motion just a little too quick for Kagami to react to, and gently presses his lips against Kagami's in a soft kiss.

Kagami feels like he's been struck with lightning, and he's pretty sure that his heart has now stopped beating entirely because Tobirama is kissing him. This is a thing that's  _happening right now,_  and it's real and wonderful but also  _really_  fucking confusing because  _what_. He's been silently pining over his best friend for years, _literally_  years, and this is just...a lot, very suddenly.

(In some small part of his mind, he can't help but be amused at his own reaction to this unexpected but very welcome development; he can apparently take on ten shinobi with killing intent and survive largely intact, but a single kiss from Senju Tobirama is enough to bring him down.)

In all honesty, he feels a bit like his brain might very well be leaking out of his ears at the moment just from the sheer (and fantastic) shock of what's happening' he'd fantasized about what it might be like if by some miracle Tobirama ever returned his affections, but he'd never really  _seriously_  considered the possibility of it  _actually happening_.

In any case, once he manages to scrape his few remaining brain cells back into some semblance of order, he eagerly returns Tobirama's kiss, but before he can do very much his friend is pulling away.

"Hey," Kagami complains, stretching out his arms and grabbing the other man by the collar of his blue kimono. "I wasn't done, get back over here."

Tobirama gives a low chuckle, his crimson eyes warm as he reaches up to cover Kagami's hands with his own. "And to think," he says, tone full to bursting with a dry amusement that's as familiar to Kagami as his own heartbeat, "that I was worried all this time about the possibility of you reacting negatively."

Kagami makes a face at that, because  _seriously_? "For a genius," he says matter-of-factly, "you can be  _really_  stupid sometimes, you know that? I could be blind, deaf, and mute and I'd still be stupidly, hopelessly in love with you, just like I have been for years, because you're brilliant and talented and the most incredible person on the face of the planet. I couldn't 'react negatively' if I tried, you nerd," he concludes with a huff, his cheeks flaming hot with embarrassment because that was one hell of a quasi-unintentional confession; even if Tobirama had made the (very important) first move, Kagami can't help but be painfully self-conscious about everything he'd just said. He could have just inked SMITTEN across his face with a calligraphy brush it would've been equally obvious.

Tobirama looks surprised for a moment (which is absolutely ridiculous, because everything Kagami had said was a thousand percent true and anyone who doesn't realize that Tobirama is the most amazing person in the universe is a moron of the highest order), and then his look of startlement transforms into a warm, affectionate smile that makes Kagami's heart flutter in his chest. "Oh, Kagami," he says, and lifts up one hand to trace his slender fingers across Kagami's jawline. "Don't you realize that I feel the same about you? That's why you saying that your life has little value is so upsetting to me."

Kagami swallows hard, wanting so badly to believe it...but there's a little niggling of doubt at the back of his mind born from a lifetime of being valuable only as long as he was useful.

Tobirama clearly notices his dubious look, because he shakes his head in obvious frustration and leans forward to kiss Kagami again. "Does this feel like a lie?" he whispers against Kagami's lips as he pulls away.

"No," Kagami admits, his voice hoarse as his whole body thrums with energy. "It doesn't."

Tobirama's mouth quirks up in a pleased smirk. "Good. Because it's not." His gaze catches Kagami's and holds, unwavering. " As much as it embarasses me to say, I can't think of words that can do justice for explaining how much I care for you. I could have you at my side for the rest of eternity, Uchiha Kagami, and still it wouldn't be enough."

Kagami can't decide if he wants to cry tears of joy or propose marriage on the spot; he supposes that both options are decent enough, and also not mututally exclusive, but in the end he settles for dragging Tobirama closer once more and kissing him breathless. "I love you, too," he murmurs, and it's feels like a promise, the kind that will carry into not just tomorrow or the next day, but the distant future and beyond.


End file.
